How I Met Your Mother
by A Hopeful Voice
Summary: Kids, this is the story of how I met your mother. It's pretty long, and you've only heard the short version, so it's important that you hear the whole thing. AU. [based on CBS' HIMYM]
1. The Question

**Hello! This is AU, obviously, as the Doctor is quite human. Not sure how long this will be, but I guess that's the beauty of writing. I know where it's going, but I don't know how to get there. But here's the first chapter, so please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, nor do I own CBS' HIMYM.**

* * *

**How I Met Your Mother**

_Chapter I - The Question_

_2033_

_ Kids, this is the story of how I met your mother. It's pretty long, and you've only heard the short version, so it's important that you hear the whole thing. It's starts in 2010, when I was living in London with Amy, my best mate from growing up. We were both unmarried then at age twenty-five. She was floating around from job to job and I was finishing up my PhD. Our flat was above our favorite pub-Tardis Tavern. Everything was brilliant, until Amy's boyfriend, Rory, went and ruined everything._

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_2010_

"Will you marry me?" asked Rory, bending down on one knee and holding the velvet box with both hands. The diamond ring glittered inside, catching the light from the lamp of the table beside him. He fidgeted as he looked up, awaiting a response.

The Doctor clapped his hands together and grinned. "Perfect!" he exclaimed, bouncing up and down on his toes. "Amy's going to love it. And everything will be just as you planned: the romantic dinner, popping the question in the middle of Trafalgar Square, then coming back here and-" The Doctor paled, backed up his rampant train of thoughts, and reconsidered what he was about to say. "Actually, please don't come back here and-"

Banging the door against the wall, Amelia Pond walked into the flat and tossed her keys onto the table. Rory panicked, tossing the ring box to the Doctor, who held it like it were a ticking bomb before shoving it into the pocket of his tweed jacket. Fortunately for them, their brief moment of chaos went unnoticed by Amy. She was busy telling them about her day and pulling a sleeve of biscuits from the refrigerator.

"-so then I told him," Amy went on, not realizing that the boys had not paid attention to the beginning of her story, "to sod off. I'm only going to be at your party if you're going to be polite. Sure, I may go and kiss people and have a laugh, but I'm not a prostitute!"

Rory laughed awkwardly, and Amy stared at him. Knowing that she would begin to ask questions that Rory would not be able to answer without giving away that evening's surprise, the Doctor jumped into the conversation headfirst. "I bought a new bow tie today," he said triumphantly, tugging at the one around his neck.

Amy rolled her eyes. "Seriously? You look like an old man."

Taking offense as he always did, the Doctor said, "Bow ties are cool."

"Whatever you say, old man." Turning to Rory, Amy said, "Are we still on for dinner?"

Nodding a bit too enthusiastically, Rory stammered, "S-sure, Amy. I'm ready to go when you are."

Amy dropped her eyes over his body and raised her eyebrows. "Really? 'Cos I didn't know we were gonna eat at the hospital cafeteria."

Rory was clearly confused by the way he looked at her, but then he looked at his clothes and understood what she meant. He was still wearing his scrubs from work at the hospital. "Oh, I'll just go change," he said quickly, walking into Amy's room, closing the door behind him.

Once he was gone, Amy dropped to the sofa, patting the seat next to her to invite the Doctor to sit. He did so, reaching for the quantum physics textbook sitting on the coffee table. Opening to his place, he immediately drowned out the sound of the television. Amy fast-forwarded through the advertisements as she caught up on the latest episode of _The X-Factor_.

"I think One Direction's coming back on next week," Amy said.

Looking up from his book, the Doctor asked, "Who?"

Amy sighed at her friend's ability to live under a rock and still be the smartest person she knew. "Only the most popular British boy band on the entire planet. Basically, Simon Cowell's most lucrative enterprise right now."

"You mean the most popular British-Irish boy band," the Doctor corrected, returning to his text. He had his last physics test before the final tomorrow, and thought it best to study even if he were a genius. Never having made anything less than an A* in his life, the Doctor never needed study, but did so anyway.

"Whatever," Amy said, tucking her legs under her. Only half-listening to the show, she scrolled through her Twitter feed before switching to Pinterest when she got bored.

A few minutes later, Rory emerged from Amy's bedroom, wearing a black suit. Amy rose from the sofa and walked over to him, placing her hands on his chest and kissing him lightly. The Doctor looked over his shoulder, saying, "You should wear a bow tie, Rory!"

"No," said Amy and Rory simultaneously. They looked at each other and laughed. "Let me just change," Amy said, "and then we'll go." She kissed him one more time before walking into her room.

Rory dropped to the couch next to the Doctor and stared blankly at the TV. The Doctor took one look at him and asked, "Are you nervous?"

"Is it that obvious?"

With a laugh, the Doctor closed his textbook. "Don't be nervous, Rory. You know she'll say yes."

"But what if she doesn't?"

The Doctor looked at Rory dryly. Sometimes the man who was intelligent enough to be a nurse was a real idiot. "Rory, Amelia Pond has never loved anyone except you."

Rory wasn't sure that that was true. Amy had dated Jeff in secondary school, before she went to university at Cambridge with Rory and the Doctor. Of course, she had been dating Rory for seven years; if that wasn't enough time to prove her love for him, he didn't know what was.

When Amy was ready, she came out to the living room wearing a green dress that reached her knees, as opposed to the mini skirts she usually wore. Her hair hung long, pinned back around her face. "Are you ready to go?" she asked, and Rory instantly sprung to his feet, nodding.

The Doctor placed the book back on the table, standing and moving to hug his best friend. This was going to be the biggest night of her life so far. He hoped everything went well. Giving Rory a firm handshake, he told them, "I told Jack I would meet him at the pub, so don't expect me to be back until later."

Rory gave the Doctor a shy smile in gratitude. He held the door open for his girlfriend. Just before Rory closed the door behind them, the Doctor gave him an enthusiastic double thumbs up and an energetic smile.

Once they were gone, the Doctor went into his room and changed his bow tie. He had worn the red one all day, and felt that tonight was going to be more of a blue night. As an added bonus, the pub was covered in blue decor, so why not match?

Sufficiently dressed, the Doctor looked at the clock on his bedside table. He had eight minutes to get down to the pub at the time Jack requested of him. Taking a moment to adjust the pillows on his bed, the Doctor wondered how many unfortunate souls Jack would hit on that night. If only the men and women attending the pub that night knew what was going to happen to them.

As soon as the Doctor left his flat, he could imagine Jack's voice drifting up to this level. Once he actually entered the pub, Tardis Tavern, the Doctor saw Jack sitting in their regular booth. The only American in their gang, Jack was a player and sexually ambiguous. He was rarely seen without a long overcoat and suspenders over his button down shirt. A stereotypical pretty boy, the Doctor and Rory often felt somewhat inadequate next to Jack. Of course, that never really mattered because Rory was (almost) engaged and the Doctor was more focused on his studies than on women.

That is to say, the Doctor did eventually want to settle down and have a family of his own. He loved children, had always been good around kids, even if he was more clumsy than the average adult man.

"Hey, Doc!" Jack said happily as the Doctor slid into the booth opposite. "How's it going?"

"Pretty well," he replied. There was no use in going on about his day; Jack would eventually cut him off with the intent of picking up girls.

Right on cue, Jack slammed his hands onto the table and grinned. "You ready to go find a dance partner?" He wagged his eyebrows suggestively, and the Doctor tugged at his bow tie, as uncomfortable as always. It was unfortunate that Jack was felt it so important that he take care of the Doctor's love life.

"I don't know if-"

"Come on, Doc," Jack said, striding over to the bar without any further argument. The Doctor could do nothing but follow, feeling embarrassed. "Two pints of Bass." Jack winked at the bartender, a 'sexy' (in Jack's words) woman around their age who had inherited the bar from her family. She was pretty, with long brown hair and a creative expression. Drink in hand, Jack leaned his back against the bar and scoped out the room with the sharp eyes of a military officer.

Sipping at his ale a little bit (he hated the burn of alcohol), the Doctor followed Jack's actions and looked around. Was it worth coming out with Jack tonight? He did have that important physics test in the morning. It wasn't like he was going to fail, but still, doing well was important.

Inspired, Jack looked at his friend. "I suggest a game!" he said, and the Doctor groaned. "The best game there is. A game entitled '_Have_ you met the Doctor'?"

"No, no, no," the Doctor argued, grabbing Jack's arm to try and stop him from moving to the woman on the other side of the stool to Jack's right.

Jack poked the woman's shoulder to catch her attention. He grinned famously at her, then said, "_Have_ you met the Doctor?" before darting out of the way so that the Doctor and the girl would be alone.

She was pretty, with long blonde hair and brown eyes. Looks could be deceiving, but the Doctor thought she must have been a few years younger than him, perhaps university age. She smiled politely and extended her hand, "Hi, I'm Rose." Her voice revealed that she was most likely from southeast London.

"I'm the Doctor," he said, shaking her hand. Damn Jack for always having to throw him into these awkward situations.

"Are you a doctor?" she asked, obviously thinking it strange that he go by an occupation rather than a proper name.

The Doctor tilted his head to the side to stretch his neck. "I'm graduating with my PhD in a few weeks, and then I'm going to try and teach somewhere. My friends call me 'the Doctor' because I always knew what I wanted to do and I hate my name."

She nodded and bit her lip. "Well, I should probably get back to my mates over there. Shireen jus' went through a nasty breakup and so we're tryin' t'cheer her up. Nice meetin' ya."

"Yes," the Doctor said, feeling somewhat defeated. "It was nice to meet you." As Rose walked away, the Doctor could help but feel his eyes drag down to her bum. Shaking off the inappropriate behavior that only Jack could get away with, the Doctor took his drink and returned to the booth. He slid the glass towards Jack, who took it graciously.

They made small talk about work and school, Jack winking at women as they walked by. He was such a child. Several minutes passed, and the Doctor was beginning to grow bored. He considered returning upstairs to his flat to wait for Amy and Rory, but based on their previous experience as flatmates, the Doctor wasn't sure he wanted to be there for the engagement celebration.

Before he could give the situation much further thought, a commotion erupted from the other side of the pub. "Oi! Sod off, mate!" cried a loud voice that the Doctor recognized as belonging to Rose.

Two gallant fellows, Jack and the Doctor rose to their feet. Jack gave the Doctor one encouraging look, and the slightly shorter man immediately started walking over to the altercation. "Why don't you leave them alone?" the Doctor asked loudly, grabbing the attention of the dark haired man in front of him.

"Yeah, Jimmy," Rose said, taking a step closer to him, "back off. No one wants you here."

"C'mon, Rose," Jimmy whined, taking her hand. She pulled it out of his grasp and before anyone could move, her fist met Jimmy's face. Rose was apparently stronger than she looked, because Jimmy smacked into the side of the booth and fell to the ground. Jack came up behind the Doctor and grabbed Jimmy under his arms, dragging him out of the pub, presumably to the street.

"Hell of a right hook you've got," the Doctor said as he made a mental reminder to never get on this woman's bad side.

"Thanks," Rose said, shaking her hand out. "And thanks for comin' over here. He's an ex-boyfriend."

"Ended badly?"

"You could say that."

The Doctor slid his hands into the pockets of his jacket, thinking of what to say next. He never reached a conclusion, for inside his pocket was a small, velvety box. It tumbled out of his pocket and to the floor. Bending over to pick it up, the Doctor realized that it was the engagement ring that Rory tossed to him to hide. "Oh, shit," the Doctor said. It was rare when he used profanity, and showed the extremity of the situation when he did. "I've gotta go," he said to Rose.

If she responded, he didn't hear, because he was sprinting out of the pub, swinging Jack around as they passed. "What's wrong?" asked Jack.

"I've got Rory's ring! You know he's proposing to Amy tonight. We've got to take it to him."

Jack looked around, trying to decide if a cab or the tube would be faster. "Where are they?"

"He's taking her to eat in Covent Garden," said the Doctor.

"We'll never make it in time."

"Are you trying to get somewhere?" asked a female voice. Once again, it was Rose. She grinned, her tongue caught between her teeth, and held up a set of keys dangling from her fingers. "My boyfriend let me borrow his car, so that I wouldn't have to take the tube. Fancy a lift?"

They piled into the yellow Volkswagen beetle, and the Doctor said, "I don't know how I'll repay you for this."

"Nah," Rose said, "you helped get rid of Jimmy. 'S the least I can do." She pulled into traffic and sped through London to Covent Garden. The Doctor directed them using a map on his mobile phone, leading them to the restaurant. Rose pulled over, and the Doctor sprang out of the car.

"Go get her!" Jack shouted, pumping the air with his fist.

The Doctor turned back and stared at him. "I'm not the one getting engaged."

"My statement stands as is."

Rolling his eyes, the Doctor rushed into the restaurant, scouring the place for his two best friends. The place was full of couples and the occasional dinner with the in-laws. Near the back, underneath a portrait of Winston Churchill, sat Rory Williams and Amelia Pond. They were laughing as they ate their dinner.

It was then that the Doctor realized he had no idea how to get the ring to Rory without Amy knowing what was going on. Looking around frantically for ideas, the Doctor started to think this was going to be impossible. It wasn't like he could just walk over there and casually slip the ring box to Rory like it were a drug deal. Amy would grow suspicious and demand answers. Conflict revealed her inner Scot at the most inconvenient times.

A waiter passed by the Doctor, and an idea struck. "Excuse me!" he said, reaching for the server's arm. "My friend is proposing tonight but he left the ring at home. I'm bringing it to him, but she can't know."

With a nod, the waiter took the ring box from the Doctor and passed the tray in his hands to the hostess. A good thing about restaurants dedicated to romance was that they seemed to be used to this sort of thing and accepted it more easily than other places.

Unfortunately, not every employee had the romantic experience and the common sense required to fulfill such shenanigans as needed in such situations.

The waiter disappeared into the kitchen, reemerging seconds later with a paper box that Chinese food might be delivered in. The Doctor pulled at his hair, unable to argue with the waiter as he passed on his way to the table. Maybe he should have just walked over to Rory and handed it to him. This was an Italian restaurant. Why did they have Chinese takeout boxes?

The Doctor watched in horror as Rory questioned the waiter. Obviously, he hadn't noticed that he left the ring at home and didn't understand what was going on. The Doctor started waving his arms above his head to get Rory's attention. Thank God Amy was facing the other way or the jig would have been up.

Rory saw the Doctor and pressed his hands to his pockets. Finally, he understood. Rory nodded and took the box from the waiter. Amy was questioning him, so Rory had no choice but to open the box and pull out the velvety ring box.

The Doctor shrugged as if to apologize, but it didn't matter. Rory dropped to one knee and the entire restaurant shushed automatically, like they had an innate sense towards these sorts of things.

"Amelia Jessica Pond," Rory said slowly, his voice shaking from nerves. This was not at all how he planned. Then again, when did anything involving Amy and Rory go as planned? "Will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

The Doctor wished he could see Amy's face, but he imagined a huge smile breaking out on her face. She jumped up from her seat and flung her arms around Rory's neck, planting her lips firmly on his. Rising from the ground, Rory slid the diamond ring onto the third finger of Amy's left hand. It fit perfectly.

They kissed again, and the entire restaurant burst into applause and cheers. The Doctor grinned to himself, then turned and made for the exit. He wasn't so lucky as to make it. "Oi! Raggedy man!" Amy shouted. The Doctor cringed and spun around (nearly knocking over a small child), throwing his arms up in the air. Amy stood with her weight on one leg, arms crossed and one eyebrow raised: her 'what the hell do you think you're doing' look. "You better save us a seat at the Tardis because we're coming back there as soon as we're done here!"

He gave her a salute before leaving the restaurant. Rose and Jack were still in the car, and, fortunately, not snogging. He climbed into the backseat, and Rose cranked up the car. As he filled them in on the events from the last few minutes, the Doctor realized that he wanted what Rory and Amy had. They were going to spend the rest of their lives together, and have children. Jealousy flared, and the Doctor decided to take Jack's games of '_Have_ you met the Doctor' more seriously.

* * *

Amy tipped back her head as she downed a shot. "Thanks for ensuring our engagement, Rose," Amy said to the blonde on her left. She twirled the ring around her finger, liking the way it looked against her fair skin.

"No problem," Rose smiled. "I'm glad to've helped."

"Where do you live?" asked Jack, probably trying to come up with a way to get into Rose's pants by the end of the night.

Discomfort was read on Rose's face by the way her eyes flicked to the side and she bit down on her lip. She recovered, though, and answered, "Powell Estate. It's a council estate down in the southeast."

"And this boyfriend of yours?"

Rose smiled. "Mickey. He's a mechanic. We grew up together. My mum hates him, even though she knew him when I was a baby." She pressed the largest button on her somewhat dated mobile phone, illuminating the screen to check the time. "I probably need to go now. Mum'll be wonderin' where I am."

If any of the group thought it odd she still lived with her mother, none said anything or showed it. The Doctor scribbled down his phone number on a napkin and slid it across the table. "If you're ever in this part of town, call me and we can all get together."

"Yeah," Amy agreed. Rose smiled at them and left the pub. Amy turned to her fiancé and raised her eyebrows. "How about we head upstairs, Nurse Williams?" Rory turned slightly red, immediately sliding out of the booth and offering his hand to Amy. She took it and winked. "We're going to be in our bedroom if any of you need us. You coming up, Doctor?"

The Doctor was horrified. "Um, I think-I, uh," he stammered, looking to Jack for help, "Jack?"

"Course you can come with me, Doc," Jack said, taking another drink. "I'm going to a strip club."

Weighing his options, the Doctor looked between Jack and the happy couple. He grabbed the previously ignored shot in front of him and quickly downed it. It was going to be a long night.

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**Not every chapter will be off HIMYM, but I thought this was a good place to start. However, if there are any specific episodes of HIMYM or DW that you want worked into this fashion, please let me know. I'm willing to take requests and work them into my grand scheme of things.**

**Please review and let me know what you think! Reviews equal love, and love equals quicker updates and a happy Hope.**


	2. All Hallow's Eve

**This is mostly some character development, but hopefully it's funny and enlightening. Hope you enjoy!**

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_Chapter II - All Hallow's Eve_

Amy perused the racks of designer clothes, occasionally pulling something out and holding it up to her. She'd returned everything to its place so far, having found nothing that would work for the party in their building that night. Nothing she had would work for this level of affair, so Amy was forced to go shopping. Not that going shopping was ever a bad thing.

She had tried nearly every department store in the city over the last few days, but so far had found nothing. Panicking, Amy finally decided to try Henrik's, even though it wasn't really her style.

Just as she was moving to the sale racks with hopes of finding something suitable and cheap, Amy's phone rang. "Hello," she said after digging it out of her bag.

_"Hey, Amy,"_ said Rory from the other end. _"Did you find a costume yet?"_

She was about to reply, but then his words sank in. "A costume? I thought this was a nice party."

_"Yeah, a Halloween party."_

Amy felt like an idiot. It was almost the end of October. Of course it was a Halloween party. Thank God she hadn't bought anything yet. "I'm really stupid. I should dress up as you."

_"Yeah, and then I'll take that ring back."_

With a grin, Amy continued looking through the rows of clothing. "I love you. And you still haven't told me what you're dressing as."

_"Well, seeing as you didn't even know it was a Halloween party until thirty seconds ago, I think I'm allowed a certain amount of surprise." _Amy could vaguely hear some shouting from the other end of the line. _"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. Look, Amy, we've got a girl here who fell down a flight of stairs. I'll talk to you later. Love you."_

"Love you, too," she said, rubbing a silky blouse between her fingers. She loved when Rory would go to work and save the world one stupid injury at a time. While his phone call had not had much purpose other than just to talk, Amy was glad she now knew what kind of party she was going to.

It didn't help that she still felt like an idiot. How did she not know it was a Halloween party? In her defense, she had spent the last month in pre-wedding bliss. Well, bliss and stress. Planning a wedding was a lot of work. It might not have been so difficult if Amy had help. But her parents weren't around, Aunt Sharon was only available as a very last resort (in the 'she is the only person on the entire planet who is capable of planning a wedding' sort of way), Rory was busy with work, the Doctor was busy with school, and there was no way in hell that Amy would go to Jack Harkness for help with anything.

Lost in her thoughts, Amy meandered the store. Some of the kitchenware here wasn't too bad. Maybe she should register here. At least everything was pretty affordable, especially considering the registries of weddings that Amy had been to. What kind of person expects their friends to spend hundreds of dollars on a wedding gift?

Henrik's was mostly empty, save a few elderly women shopping with their husband's retirement checks and employees. The nearest employee was a blonde in a pink shirt and jeans. It took Amy a minute to recognize her, but then it hit her. "Rose?"

The girl turned around, her hair whipping in her face. She looked around for a few seconds before she noticed Amy, then smiled. "Hi, Amy."

"I didn't know you worked here."

"Yeah," she said. "It's not bad. How're you?"

"I'm alright." Amy hated the formalities of a polite conversation. Just get to the important stuff already, she thought. "You?"

"M'okay. Nothin' much goin' on."

Rose seemed like the kind of person who would know what to wear to a last minute Halloween party. At least Amy didn't have to work at this party tonight. It would be weird kissing other people in front of her fiancé. "This is probably a really weird question, but do you have any ideas what I could wear to a Halloween party? I just found out about it a little while ago and I don't have anything to wear that isn't old and really predictable. We're all trying to surprise each other."

"You could try a thrift shop," Rose suggested. "There're some pretty good ones around. I think the one on Broad Street is the original."

Amy smiled. "Thanks Rose. You're a lifesaver."

"No problem." Rose resumed folding jumpers and lining them up on the display table. "How are the wedding plans going?"

"Pretty well. Planning a wedding is stressful though."

With a quick laugh, Rose nodded. "I can't say I'm jealous of you there."

Amy drifted her fingers across the cashmere jumpers in front of her, wishing she had more girl friends that she could spend time with. Other than her childhood friend, Mels, who still lived in Leadworth, Amy only had guy friends. Planning a wedding might certainly be easier with a female friend. With that in mind, Amy blurted out, "What are you doing tonight, Rose?"

The blonde looked surprised for a moment, but recovered. "Um, nothin', I guess. Why?"

"Do you want to come to this party I'm going to? It'd be nice to have another girl there. Having your boys be your best friends can get a little tiring."

"I don't have a costume, but-"

"We can go shopping together," Amy suggested. "When are you done with work?"

Rose glanced at a nearby clock. "Ten minutes from now."

Amy grinned and giddily clapped her hands together. "I'll wait for you, then we can go to that shop you were talking about." After Rose's smile of assent, Amy walked to the front of the shop and sat in the sun to wait for her new friend.

* * *

Rory sat on the sofa. He was the first person in their group to be finished getting dressed for the party. _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ was on the television, but he was only half paying attention. Absentmindedly plucking the strings of his man-skirt that was part of his costume, Rory wondered what Amy would be wearing. Hopefully something that wasn't too inappropriate. Dressed normally, Amy grabbed the attention of every male in all of London.

God knew what other men would think on the one day of the year it was socially acceptable to dress in what couldn't be described as anything but harlotry. _Not _that he was calling his fiancee a harlot at all. She would kill-or worse, _castrate_-him if he ever implied that to her face. Best not.

The Doctor's bedroom door slammed against the wall and he whirled out in a triumphant entrance. "I am ready!"

Rory turned to look of his shoulder. The Doctor was wearing a long brown robe with a hood pulled over his head. "So you're a Jedi?"

He gasped in shocked outrage. "No!" the Doctor exclaimed, looking down at his costume with a critical eye. "I'm a monk! Though I can see how the Jedi could be considered monks of some sort. I mean, the whole deal with the Force and celibacy. George Lucas must've been on to something there."

Rory nodded at the Doctor's rant. His friend was intelligent, a genius even, but when the Doctor was talking, it was often best to smile and nod at appropriate times. At least he wasn't on his technobabble today. Rory stood and adjusted the sword strapped around his waist.

"Really, Rory?" the Doctor asked, looking Rory over. "A Roman? Didn't you dress as a Centurion last year?"

"No," Rory said, feeling self-conscious. "It was six years ago. We were still in school then. And Amy likes it."

"Damn right I do," Amy said, walking out of her bedroom with Rose at her heels. "Sorry, what do I like?"

"The Last Centurion on Earth," the Doctor said, defeat and boredom laced in his tone.

Amy walked over to Rory and kissed him chastely. "He's _my_ Centurion. Do you like my costume?"

The boys looked at Amy for a minute, trying to decide why everything looked extremely familiar and somewhat offensive. Finally, the Doctor asked, "Is that my bow tie?"

A snarky grin accompanied Amy's raised eyebrow. "Nope. I got it at the charity shop this afternoon with Rose." Amy was dressed in brown pants, boots, a white button down shirt, red braces, and a burgundy bow tie. "Can I borrow your tweed jacket, Doctor?" He frowned, but had no time to give Amy an answer, for she immediately continued. "And I forgot the best part." In her hand was a red fez, that she placed on her head.

"I've never worn a fez!"

"No," Amy grinned, "but it seems like something you would do."

The Doctor tried not to smile, but failed. "I will be taking that fez out of your hands at the end of the night, Pond." He kissed her forehead and grinned as he took in her costume once more. "I really am London's best dressed, aren't I?"

Amy snorted and Rory suppressed a laugh. "Sure," he said as Amy said, "Keep telling yourself that."

There was a knock on the door, and Rory went to answer it. To no one's surprise, Jack was provocatively posing against the wall opposite the door wearing nothing but a grass skirt and a coconut bra (and hopefully some pants beneath). A tropical flower was between his teeth, but they were trying not to laugh at his batting doe eyes. Tucking the flower behind his right ear, Jack entered the flat.

He observed everyone's costumes with varied expressions, and when his eyes reached Rose, he took a step in her direction. Taking her hand and bringing it to his lips, Jack said, "Hello. I'm Captain Jack Harkness."

She giggled and the Doctor groaned. "Stop it."

"I was saying hello!"

"You've met before!"

"Can I not be polite?" Jack asked. When it became clear that the Doctor had no reply, he turned back to Rose. Dressed in a white skirt suit, Rose had her hair pulled up on her head in a fancy twist. "Who are you supposed to be?"

It was a fair question. She could have been any famous politician. Rose blushed and drummed her fingers against her crossed arms. "Lucy Saxon," she said shyly. "It was the Prime Minister's wife, the old PM Harriet Jones, or Kate Middleton. Amy helped me pick."

Amy shrugged. "You look good as Mrs. Saxon."

Jack nodded. "I understand your dilemma, Ms. Tyler. I was having a hard time choosing between a hula girl and Jack the Ripper. Or the Doctor, but I see someone beat me to it." Amy grinned, and the Doctor scowled. "But I think I look damn sexy as a hula girl."

"Hell yeah," Amy said, still smiling. Rory felt jealous for all of two seconds, but then realized that Amy was _his_ fiancee, and Jack wasn't interested in her for more than a casual flirt. At least, he hoped.

"So are we ready to go?" asked Rory, deliberately changing the subject. Talking about anything would be better than how sexy Jack looked in a grass skirt. The conversation had nowhere to go but downhill.

Murmurs of assent passed through the circle of friends, and they headed out the door into the hall. They all squeezed into the lift, silently waiting for them to rise up to the ballroom atop the building that overlooked the Thames.

One of the best parts of having the Doctor as a best friend was his financial success. As an only child with no known living relatives, the Doctor inherited his family's fortune. He apparently had some land up north, but the property burned before he and Amy grew close. Leadworth was near Gallifrey, but not close enough that Amy had seen the estate.

Even as his best friend, Amy wasn't entirely sure what happened to the Doctor's family. He never spoke about it, being a private person, but rumor had it that, when the house caught on fire, the entire family and their staff perished inside. It was a miracle that the Doctor was saved, thanks to his habit of avoiding his home at all costs. Exploring the property was more important to him than spending time with his family.

Amy always wondered if he regretted it.

But since the Doctor was offered enough scholarships to be paid to attend school, he had no need for his family's fortune. Amy and Rory benefitted by allowing the Doctor to pay for their home. Sure, they argued and occasionally slipped money into his wallet, but the Doctor was adamant: he had no one but them; spoiling them was the least he could do in return for their kindness.

So they let him. Sometimes, Rory and Amy felt useless because they lived in a fancy flat in Westminster but did nothing to really earn it. Amy made up for it in spending all of her money on nice things. Rory saved his money in the bank and allowed it to grow interest so that he could take care of his father, Brian, in his old age and even get a nice house in the country for when he and Amy were married.

To Rose, this lifestyle was magnificently posh. She was a council estate girl, had grown up relying on the government, would die in the hovel she called home. It was her way of life. This was like living in a palace. While the flat they'd just left could be considered small and messy, it was glorious compared to her own home that she shared with her mum.

The ballroom was decorated like Hogwarts. Electric flickering candles were suspended by fishing wire and jack-o-lanterns sat on each table scattered around the room. Loud music reverberated off the walls, thrumming into the hearts of those populating the room.

Amy took her fiancé's hand and grinned. People were doing the "Time Warp" in the middle of the dance floor, and while she wanted to join in, it was probably best for the group to come up with a game plan before breaking away. She smiled at people who passed her, pointing and laughing. Her costume was a hit, even if the Doctor didn't think so.

Jack stopped by the bar and handed out glasses of spiked pumpkin juice to the rest. "So what's our attack strategy?" asked Jack, winking at two girls walking by. He didn't give anyone a chance to answer, or even argue preemptively against the scheme he was bound to have. "Alright, Pond and Centurion, hit the dance floor the best you can. Show me the feistiness of your ginger Scottish heritage. Rose, keep an eye on them for me. Doc, as me wingman, you're gonna accompany me to the bar. Tonight, we are getting _laid_."

The Doctor, if he had been visible in the dim light, would be seen blushing. "Now, Jack, I don't think-"

"Live a little, Doctor," Amy said.

He had no will to argue with Jack, and allowed himself to be pulled off to the bar. A tall man in Joker makeup came up to Rose and brushed his hands against her bum. She turned to tell him to sod off, but he was gone. Just like the average prick from the Estate.

Things were going well, but nothing important happened until a spotlight illuminated a woman up on the stage in the front of the room. Dressed as a French maid, the woman tapped a long finger on the microphone to check the volume and get the attention of the partygoers. "Happy Halloween!" she giggled. "In case you don't know me, I'm Astrid Peth, chairwoman of the board, and president of the events committee!" There was a brief, half-hearted round of applause, which Astrid waved off humbly before continuing. "It is now time to crown the King and Queen of the Halloween ball!

"But before we do that, I must thank our sponsors. Thank you to the Tardis Pub for catering, the building association for allowing us to use the facilities, and to all of you for attending! Now for the royalty: our Halloween Queen is...Ms. Reinette Poisson!" There was another bout of thunderous applause as a French aristocrat stepped up to claim her crown. "And the Halloween King is...Mr. Jack Harkness!"

Blushing profusely but acting like he had _no_ idea this was coming (in a completely sarcastic manner), Jack joined Reinette on the platform. "Captain," he corrected. What he was captain of, no one knew, not even his friends.

Jack and Reinette danced, but the others paid no mind. Amy and Rory moved to join Rose, who had been standing at the bar with Jack. The Doctor was standing a few meters away, chatting animatedly with a kindly looking woman in a more conservative maid costume.

When the song was over, Jack rejoined his friends, wrapping his arms around Rose and Amy's shoulders. Looking fondly at the Doctor, he sighed, "My baby's all grown up."

With Rory looking defensive, Amy shrugged Jack's arm off and shifted her weight closer to her fiancé. "C'mon," she said, taking Rory's hand. "I'm tired. Let's go back downstairs where it's quieter."

"But what about the Doctor?" asked Rose, feeling it rude to leave him behind without a proper goodbye.

"He'll be back later," Amy said, unconcerned. She and Rory led the way to the lift, pressing the button to close the doors after Jack and Rose were inside. "Who's up for a game of Monopoly?"

"Even better," said Jack, "a game of _drunk_ monopoly."

The pieces were set up, glasses of alcohol passed out, and four friends-later five-grew closer.

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**Please review! And as always, if there is a specific episode of HIMYM or DW that you want done, I can probably squeeze it in to my outline. I've got a sketched out outline, but nothing is set in stone. Please review!**


	3. Truth or Dare

**It looks like I'll be updating on Wednesdays, but school starts back next week and I'm moving down this weekend, so I'll try to get the next chapter up on Wednesday, but it might be later.**

**In honor of Twelve and Shark Week, I give you this chapter. I hope you enjoy!**

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_Chapter III - Truth or Dare_

"Are you sure you don't mind me tagging along?" asked Rose tentatively as she shrugged her brown coat over her thin arms. "I mean, I've only known you for few months now. Wedding dress shopping is sort of a big deal."

Amy nodded furiously. "Rose, we're friends. Besides, I want you there. Otherwise, it would just be me and Jack and the Doctor. Trust me, I need a woman there, not those morons." Picking up her keys, Amy asked, "Ready?"

Rose smiled as she nodded her acquiescence, following Amy down the hall. Christmas was in a week, and they'd gone out under the guise of wedding dress shopping several times already while they really just shopped for Christmas gifts. Now, however, they really were going to find a wedding dress for Amy.

With no immediate family, save Aunt Sharon, and Mels unable to make it down to London, Rose was Amy's only female friend who was close enough to do something this important with. Amy had even _invited_ Rose along, so she didn't know why the slightly younger girl was obsessing over 'overstepping' boundaries that didn't exist.

They were heading to a local wedding dress shop. While it was not a large designer store, it was stocked with lower priced designer gowns from years earlier, as well as dresses that were custom-made or vintage. The store itself was only about the size of their flat, packed wall to wall with white dresses. A small corner in the back of the store was dedicated to trying on the dresses. A large mirror hung from the outside wall of the fitting room, and several mismatched upholstered armchairs formed a semicircle around the mirror.

The name tag of the friendly employee helping them read 'Candice', and she asked them several questions about themselves and dresses as they perused the store. "Have you set a date?"

Amy flipped through a rack of plastic garment bags as she answered, "We're looking at the twenty-sixth of June, if the church is open that day."

"So you've got a while."

Amy nodded, pulling a strapless dress off the rack and handing it to Rose. She folded it over her arms like the other two she was already carrying. Rose was glad to be silent. The shop was stifling, and having to carry heavy dresses was taxing, leaving little energy to conversation.

Seven dresses and a half hour of discussion devoted entirely to cake flavors later, the women found themselves in the back corner of the shop. Ready to try on dresses, Amy attempted to decide which to try on first. Candice made the decision, ultimately, by hanging the dresses up on the rack in the fitting room.

Rose sipped at the glass of champagne that Candice poured for her as Amy got into the first dress. Once she walked out of the small room, Rose smiled. Even with only a little makeup and her hair a tad greasy, Amy was gorgeous. This first dress was strapless with a large tulle skirt organized in layers upon layers of ruffles. Her eyes wide, Rose smiled slightly. "That's posh."

Amy looked at herself in the mirror, tugging up at the bodice and screwing her face. "Doesn't really flatter my tits, does it?"

Rose shook her head. "You could stuff 'em. 'S what I used t'do in school 'fore I stopped giving a rat's arse."

"Nah," Amy said, still scrutinizing her chest. "It wouldn't look right."

"'S not like Rory's never seen 'em before, yeah?" Rose asked, somewhat amused. Fortunately for both women, Candice remained silent. Although she was very helpful and kind, it would be uncomfortable for them to discuss Amy and Rory's sex life with a stranger giving input. Amy made no reply, causing Rose to prompt, "Right?"

Amy turned around quickly, the skirt of the dress twisting like that of a princess dress in a film. She looked a bit pink, her lips pressed together tightly. Rose hadn't known Amy Pond long, but she knew this look: unwilling embarrassment.

"Oh my God!" Rose gasped.

Folding her arms across her chest, Amy pursed her lips and shifted her eyes to the side. "It's not that we _haven't_...you know...but he's such a git about it, not like a normal bloke at all."

"But you both live in the same flat as the Doctor!"

"Yeah, but that's cos the Doctor insisted. He's such a lonely child most of the time, and we're his best friends. We couldn't say _no_."

Rose raised her eyebrows. Making Amy uncomfortable was surprisingly simple. "I thought it was a three bedroom flat."

"So what if it is?" asked Amy. "We're engaged. People are allowed to do what they want." Rose looked like she was about to ask about before Amy and Rory were engaged, so Amy cut to the chase. "And no, Rory and I were not sleeping together before we got engaged. We just...kept up appearances as a sort of compromise."

In her mind, Rose was trying to make plans to get Rory's side of the story out as well, but couldn't think of any other way except a raunchy game of 'Truth or Dare'. She could probably persuade Jack to get him sloshed enough to tell them anything, if she asked nicely.

Amy disappeared back into the changing room, returning a few minutes later in a new dress. This white dress clung to her form, open at the back with a low chest that revealed loads of cleavage. It didn't suit Amy at all. She took one look in the mirror before turning to Rose for a second opinion. Rose didn't say anything, only pointed her finger in the direction of the changing room.

Dress number three was much better, but still not entirely right. It was even fluffier than the first dress and had a huge bow on the bustle. Amy was not large by any means, but this dress made her look like she was seven. She studied herself in the mirror, and Rose asked, "Compromise?"

It was clear that Amy had hoped the conversation would pass. "I was Rory's first _real_ girlfriend. We did basically everything under the sun except actually have sex. I was game for going ahead, but Rory wanted to wait. He's not even religious-I guess he just wanted to make sure I was going to stick with him. Let's just say that not even the Doctor knew about this. We never actually shagged until the night we got engaged, which I guess is in thanks to you, Rose." After a pause, Amy asked, "What about you and Mickey?"

Rose sighed. This was not a subject she particularly wanted to discuss. "I spend the night at his place every once in a while but he never stays with me. My mum doesn't really like him, even though she's known 'im 'is whole life. I think now the shagging is basically obligatory. He likes it, and I just...well, I love 'im."

Amy nodded before going back into the fitting room, taking the dress off and carefully returning it to the thick satin hanger. She gathered the next dress in her arms and something in her mind sparked. This dress, with the scattered sequins and small flower appliqués, felt magical.

Sliding it over her head, Amy did the zip up the back and smoothed out the skirt. While the other hadn't fit her bosom, this dress was perfect. The way it hit her waist and went down from her hips was just right. Amy had high hopes for this dress, even though it was not what she ever dreamed she might want in a wedding dress.

As soon as Amy exited the fitting room, Rose's jaw dropped. After a few seconds of intense study, she slowly grinned and nodded. Her smile was contagious, and Amy couldn't help but give a little twirl and a giddy giggle. Rose clapped her hands together and said, "That's the one."

* * *

Rory tried not to look cross as Jack pushed another beer into his hand. The Doctor hadn't touched his drink, but was literally on the edge of his seat in anticipation. They were twenty minutes into a documentary, which, Rory had to admit, was pretty fascinating. Jack and Rory could practically see the cogs turning in the Doctor's mind as he tried to figure out the mystery that perplexed them. His fingers made darting motions against his thighs, as though he were calculating some complicated problem.

Drinking games were only fun when the Doctor played. He was more of a lightweight than Rory, and got drunk easily. Unluckily for Jack and Rory, their entertainment was rare, for the Doctor hated alcohol. Sometimes they (meaning Jack) would spike the Doctor's virgin fruit juice with rum so that he couldn't taste it, but kept drinking until he was intoxicated.

Once, a fabulous night last winter, they had convinced the Doctor to drink a new alcohol that not even Jack had ever tried before. Needless to say, the Doctor found his new favorite drink and couldn't stop. Absinthe was now banned from their flat and any party they had.

But tonight, they had intended to watch this documentary with their typical drinking game. Of course, the Doctor found the film more interesting sober than he would inebriated, which left all the drinking to Rory and Jack. Usually, Amy joined in, but she was wedding dress shopping. Jack suspected that Rose could hold her own in a drinking competition. Since monthly game night was scheduled for later that night, Jack fully intended to find out.

"Remind me not to go to South Africa," Jack said, leaning back on the sofa and watching the Doctor's enthusiasm with a strange fascination.

"I swear to you," the Doctor said, not taking his eyes from the screen, "the Megalodon is real."

"It's impossible, Doctor," Rory argued. "They've got to be extinct by now, or we'd know about them."

Jack grinned. "I'll study them at work, if you want." He was ignored; no one bothered asking what his occupation actually was, because he claimed to work with aliens. As if that were true.

The Doctor shook his head in disbelief at the others' disbelief. "Scientists didn't know about the giant squid until the early twentieth century. Your theory, Rory, disproves nothing. Just like the Sasquatch, the Megalodon is real."

Rory was constantly astounded at how naive the Doctor could be, especially for a genius earning his doctorate. "When you can prove it to me, Doctor," he said slowly, "I"ll believe it. But I mean hard evidence."

"I'll show you 'hard evidence'," Jack said, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Once again, his statement was ignored.

"I am not a marine biologist," stated the Doctor, looking Rory dead in the eyes. "I am a physicist and, while I am an expert in biology, I do not wish to waste my time studying the Megalodon when there are scientists more qualified than I who are out there in the field studying the mighty creature."

Rory sighed a little. "And that's as modest as he gets," he huffed to himself. Louder so that the Doctor could hear, Rory added, "Bit sure of yourself?"

Jack looked like he had an epiphany, wagging his finger at the Doctor. "I think I just realized why you never have any dates. You're too busy being a dick and a smart ass to get your dick anywhere near her ass!" He held out his hand for a high five from Rory, who simply shook his head.

"Can't say I agree with you," Rory said. "I think the Doctor could get a date if he wanted, he's just not interested in girls."

"Didn't Amy say the same about you at first?"

Rory shot Jack a glare, and continued, "I'm sure that if he tried, the Doctor could go on a date with a perfectly normal girl."

The Doctor smiled at his friend's confidence, but then flickered to a miffed expression. "Why do you say that like you're about to put money on it?"

Jack and Rory looked at each other with similar looks of inspiration. "I bet you ten quid the Doctor can get a date by New Year's," Rory said.

Raising an eyebrow, Jack upped the stakes. "Twenty."

"Fifteen."

"You're on." The boys shook on it, and smiled at the Doctor. Jack clapped the Doctor on the back. "Don't worry, Doc. If you don't get a date, you can always kiss me at midnight."

That made the Doctor look a little green. But before he had to make any sort of statement on the subject that could later be held against him or used as blackmail, the door to the flat opened and Rose and Amy walked in, sans wedding dress. Not that the men were surprised. It seemed unlikely for them to actually bring the dress here. Jack would end up parading around in it before Amy could.

Amy and Rose returned the waves offered them. Rose walked to the empty seat on the sofa next to the Doctor, and the clink of metal upon glass signified that Amy tossed her keys onto the entry table before coming to sit on Rory's lap.

Rose reached for the bowl of crisps that was sitting on the table in front of them, taking a few and popping them in her mouth. She moaned as she crunched, saying, "I love these. Just enough grease and bad stuff. Mum would 'ave a fit. Is this that Megalodon documentary?"

The Doctor looked at her, wide-eyed, and for some reason, to Rose it felt like it was the first time he had ever noticed her. "_You _believe in Megalodon?"

Rose shrugged. "Mickey was goin' on an' on about it. I guess it could be real, I dunno."

"You, Rose Tyler," the Doctor said, placing his hands on her cheeks, forcing her to stop chewing, "are brilliant." He released her, and she swallowed, a little bit flustered.

Jack discoed back from the kitchen with drinks for Rose and Amy. Once they had been distributed, he moved to set up the cards for the most popular and infamous game of all game nights they'd ever had: Truth or Dare. Unlike normal games, the group had sat down years before and created two stacks of index cards with truths and dares on them. The player in the hot seat got to choose either pile, but both piles had funny and dirty cards.

Amy grinned and kissed Rory on the lips. "I love this game."

Rory grimaced. He always had the worst luck when playing this, especially when Jack Harkness was participating. At least not everything that came out of it was bad. While it had not been this exact version of the game with these exact people, the first time Rory had ever kissed Amy was in secondary school at a party. Mels had dared Amy to kiss Rory. He was eager, of course, but hid it well, and Amy was unwilling to kiss him, yet more unwilling to be labeled a chicken. It had been quick and unromantic and embarrassing.

"Alright," said Jack, "since this is our beautiful friend Rose Tyler's first game night with us, I vote she has to go first, then we go clockwise from there." There were sounds of assent, and Rose bravely slid her hand toward the truth pile, selecting the card off the top.

Her eyes flicked over the card, and her stomach clenched. Sure, she was used to dirty games of truth or dare, but she hadn't ever played with this group. They would probably think her an alien if she was totally truthful, but wasn't that the rule of the game. At least the girl question on this dual gender card was easy.

"What's it say?" asked Amy, trying to peer over Rose's shoulder.

Rose flinched and read, "Who was the first boy to ever touch your boobs?" Jack snorted. Everyone looked at him, aware of whose question it was. Attention returned to Rose, she answered, "Adam Wilson. We were thirteen, and he got a bit frisky at my friend Shireen's birthday party."

"Mazel tov," Jack breathed. He looked at the Doctor, who was next in line for the spotlight.

The Doctor sighed and reached for the truth pile. He hated dares because they always ended up being embarrassing. It was always his luck to end up shirtless with Jack licking something off of his chest. If he didn't know better, the Doctor would think Jack purposely made the cards line up so the Doctor had to strip.

At least this card didn't seem too bad; it wasn't sexual in any way for once. He read, "If you could have any celebrity play you in a film, who would it be?" The Doctor thought about it for several seconds before reaching a decision. "Peter Capaldi."

Amy gasped in a mix of shock and horror, Rory dropped his head to his chest, and Jack groaned. "Who's that?" asked Rose.

"He's a badass!" the Doctor said. "And I bet he knows the Megalodon is real." His response was met with groans and a whack to the back of his head from Amy. "Ow!"

"Come on, you big lug!" she said. "If I hear one more thing about that fish, I'm gonna-"

"It's a shark!"

"Whatever!"

Jack caused a commotion by dramatically reaching for a dare. He grinned, "Kiss anyone in the room."

Now the groans were directed toward him. Amy turned to Rose and explained, "He always gets handsy. At least the card doesn't include a time or tongue."

With a wide smile, Jack opened his arms and looked to the Doctor. "Come here, Doc." Looking very traumatized, the Doctor squeezed his eyes shut, puckering his lips out tightly. Jack moved onto the Doctor's lap and kissed him. As soon as it was over, the Doctor wiped his mouth on his sleeve, grimacing.

"Why is it always me?"

"Because you're cute," Jack said.

Rory reached for the truth pile. "First kiss story. Well, I was fifteen, and playing truth or dare with some of our mates from school. Mels dared Amy to kiss me."

"Aw," Amy crooned, "that was back when you were gay."

Exasperated, Rory said, "I was _not_ gay. I have never been gay. You just thought I was because I had never been on a date with another girl."

"Because you _liked_ me," Amy sang happily, kissing him again. She then reached for the dare pile. This was another card written by Jack. "Play the rest of the game shirtless." She pulled off her blouse, sitting in her jeans and bra.

The boys goggled, and Jack protested, "Shirtless."

Crossing her arms, Amy raised an eyebrow. "I see nothing about a bra. Looks like you left something out."

"Damn," Jack hissed. "Alright Rose, your turn again."

Reaching for another truth, Rose smiled. "When did you lose your virginity? I was sixteen." Having had the question left like that, Jack requested more details. She shook her head smugly. "Question only asked age. I don't 'ave to answer anythin' else."

Once again, Jack cursed. "Damn it." He really needed to start proofreading his questions with a detailed mindset.

It was the Doctor's turn, but he was distracted. The Megalodon documentary was picking up pace. He grabbed the remote and turned up the volume. Met with arguments, the Doctor said, "This is scientific, and I pay rent, which means I'm allowed to watch what I want."

"Oh my God, Doctor," Amy said. "Megalodon is not real."

"You shut your mouth!" he shouted, passionate about this creature. "If there are whales in space, there could be giant sharks in the oceans of Earth."

"That was never proven," she snapped, but knew it was worthless arguing. He could believe what he wanted. It didn't mean anything.

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**Thanks for the reviews/follows/favourites! And because several people have asked: I am not going to tell you who the mother is. Any pairing is fair game, and the pattern will not necessarily follow that of HIMYM. So you'll just have to wait and see. :)**

**Please review!**


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